Playing the Lottery

I thought I'd come out and confess that I've started playing the lottery. They started featuring the Powerball, one of the biggest multistate lottery in the US.

But that's not what got me started. What got me started is a list of instructions to follow should you win. I hadn't actually thought of the logistics of winning the lottery. I couldn't find any copyright concerns and the website was called "Rotten Library," so I'm going to go ahead and publish the list here for you:

   Strangely enough, winning millions in the lottery can be the worst thing that ever happened to you. The money can strain relationships with your spouse and relatives. It can turn your friends and neighbors into leeches. It can ruin your privacy. It can cause security problems, threaten your physical safety. Paradoxically, it can lead you down the road to bankruptcy. And, of course, it can also turn you into a raging asshole. 

Tips for the Latest Instant Millionaire
[Bear in mind that none of us is a lawyer or a lottery millionaire, so these recommendations are anything but authoritative. Caveat emptor, you rich bastard.]It's great to be rich, but fame is a bitch. So your primary mission is to claim the money without divulging your identity or having a mental breakdown. Here's how to do it:

1. Don't tell anyone. The single most important rule for maintaining sanity after winning the lottery is: Do everything you can to keep your precious anonymity intact. Of course that means keeping your goddamned mouth shut. Don't share the news with your friends, neighbors, coworkers, or family. Resist even the urge to tell your spouse or significant other, at least for the time being. Otherwise you will have forever blown your one chance at being anonymous. You can always spill the beans later, after all the excitement has died down.
2. Don't sign the ticket. After you write your name on that ticket, you might as well call up and announce the news to your local TV stations and newspapers. Remember that the state lottery commission will publicize the identity of every claimant. Toss the ticket into a clean Ziploc bag (to avoid spills, etc.) and temporarily stash it someplace away from excessive heat, sunlight, pets, children, roommates, coworkers, etc. Make sure it's someplace safe that you won't forget.
3. Act casual. Maintain your normal routine. Continue to attend work, school, church, social functions, etc. Whatever's typical for you. When people ask you what's up, refer to rule number one.
4. Make a few photocopies. At your earliest opportunity, take a trip to a 24-hour Kinko's around 2am when nobody's around and make six copies of the ticket, both front and back. Use one of the self-serve machines and take any and all bad copies with you (i.e. leave none in the trash). And before you leave, doublecheck to make sure you didn't leave the original in the machine.
5. Rent a safe-deposit box. Contact your bank and see if they have any vacant safe deposit boxes, tell them you're going on a trip and need to store some documents for a few months. Make a point of asking them how much it costs, even though you couldn't care less. You're trying to keep up appearances. When you go down to the bank in person to open your box, you will probably need some ID and your bank card. Bring the ticket, along with some other (fake) papers. Don't show them the ticket, obviously. Loose lips sink ships. Stash the ticket in the box and put the box key on your keyring. Don't lose the key.
6. Open a blind trust. Hire a tax attorney. Once you're a client, the lawyer is legally bound to maintain your confidentiality. Tell them you want to open a blind trust in order to claim the lottery prize as an anonymous trustee. Provide three photocopies of your ticket. All contact with the lottery commission will be made through your lawyer.
7. Contact a financial planner. Rich people don't tend to stay that way without a little planning. If you have the choice between annual payments and a single large payout, you should consider the big jackpot. It's less money total, but it's probably about the same as the annuity if you take the lump sum and invest it in interest-bearing savings bonds. However, the single large payout may incur a higher tax rate. Ask your tax experts.
8. Tie up any financial loose ends. No reason to procrastinate now. Pay all those traffic fines and parking tickets. Catch up on alimony or child support payments. Settle any debts. Instruct your financial planner to scrub those black marks off your credit score, but don't cancel your credit cards -- that'll screw up your rating. And don't think it won't matter anymore. It matters.
9. Draft or update your last will and testament. If there were ever a time for estate planning, it's now.

I read that, got excited about the lottery, but then thought the same thing I always do: it's a waste of money. The odds are simply so far against me that they are not worth trying. What finally pushed me to purchase my first lottery ticket was realizing two things:

1. Tickets are only $1. Seriously... Is there anything in this world that is actually only $1 anymore? My god is that cheap, and it lets me think about having fun with the logistics of winning the lottery. 
2. I was married in Las Vegas. I love gambling. Maybe spending $1 a week isn't so bad. After all, that will come to a whopping total of $52 at the end of the year. Perhaps I'll skip a fancy meal once a year with Alicia. 

So, I've got my Powerball ticket posted on the pinboard above our desk. I'm using my cell phone as a random number generator, because if anyone's going to generate some random numbers, it's me. I'm actually considering switching to a smaller state lottery. The odds of winning the Powerball are so low, it's almost no fun. I'd take $500,000 just as happily, ya know? My only complaint about the smaller lotteries is that it happens every day. I can't afford that! 

If I take the advice above, you probably won't ever find out I've won it. Sorry! Wish me luck anyway! 

New Phone!

I've written about my phones before. As of March 2009, I'm still using a prepaid phone. I'm not using Skype anymore, as the call quality sucked. Thus, I use my prepaid cellphone exactly the same way I used my phone when I had a cell phone plan (300 minutes a month).

Since I started in August, I've spent approximately $200. That's about $25 a month. Not bad! I've actually had a bad deal. I first purchased 1150 minutes for $100. Next, I purchased minutes in $25 increments. I didn't realize that I was only getting 150 minutes! Whoops! From here on out, I'll purchase minutes $100 at a time. (If you're confused, look at it this way: Paying $100 for 1150 minutes means 8.7 cents a minute. Paying $25 for 150 minutes means I'm paying 16.6 cents a minute. That's nearly double!)

Even though I screwed up, I'm still saving a ton of money. I used to pay over $50 a month, regardless of how I used my phone. So I'll stick with prepaid cell phones for the time being.

One huge perk is that there are often sales on prepaid phone cards. This past week, T-Mobile had a brand new phone and a $25 prepaid minutes card for sale priced at $20. So not only am I getting $25 worth of minutes for only $20, I'm getting a free phone!!! Even if I didn't want the phone, it was a good deal.

But I want the phone! It's much cooler than my other phone. Here's one big reason:





The top photo shows my old phone on a scale. It weighs 106 grams. My new phone, pictured on the bottom, weighs 78 grams. It's hard to describe how much lighter the new one feels. Plus, it looks cooler.

The only draw back is the new phone doesn't have a camera. Meh. I never use the camera on my old phone, anyway.

So I'll use the new phone. If I lose it, I can always return to my old phone. I think it's win/win.

Death and Taxes

Today's my first Saturday that I don't have to run out and teach. I'm squandering it by surfing the internet.

But this caught my attention: Death and Taxes. It's a giant map of the discretionary funding of the United States of America. If you visit the website, you can scroll around and read all the agencies and sub-agencies that receive 200 million or more.

I feel like I learned something today! I had no idea how little money the FCC gets. I had no idea how much it costs our country for Air traffic organization.

Now you'll know, too!

Leaving T-Mobile Contract

I'm a frequent reader of the Consumerist, a consumer rights blog. I've learned a lot about what rights I have when I'm shopping and paying utilities, etc. I'm proud to say that with a good knowledge of the system, I've managed to get a great deal with my cell phone service.

One thing I've read about are Early Termination Fees (ETFs). These are fees assessed by your cell phone carrier for leaving before the contract expires. They are usually about $200, which prevents you from getting a free cell phone and then leaving your service one month later.

In early July, I read that T-Mobile was changing the price per text message. It was going from $0.15 to $0.20 a message, which constitutes a "material adverse affect." Basically, they've changed the contract I signed, which allows me to leave the contract without paying an ETF.

My contract wasn't scheduled to end until August of 2009, still a long time away. So getting out of my contract sounded nice. But I like T-Mobile. So I didn't really want to stop my cell phone service, just get out of my contract.

I called up T-Mobile and asked about my options. I wanted to switch from being under contract to paying month to month. They wouldn't let me out of the contract unless I ended my service. I've liked T-Mobile. Good service, good customer service. No real complaints. But here they were making me decide whether to leave or stay under contract. Sneaky.

So I started looking at my cell phone usage. I was paying $60.00 a month (including taxes) for Unlimited nights and weekends, unlimited calling from my home (using my wireless internet), and unlimited calling to five numbers of my choice. I also had 300 minutes to use any other time I wanted. Despite all this time to talk, I was usually only using about 150 minutes a month. Back when I talked to Alicia every night, I needed a lot of talking time. Now, not so much...

That's when it occurred to me: Why don't I use a prepaid cell phone? It just so happened that T-Mobile offered prepaid services. For $100, I can get 1000 minutes, which have a full year before they expire. If I use 150 minutes a month, $100 will last me over six months! That would have cost me $360 under contract.

So I called up T-Mobile to ask about prepaid services. They inform me that I can use my same phone number, use my same phone, and it would only take a few hours to change services. The only problem was that I was currently under a cell phone contract.

At this point, I smiled. I started uttering the magic words, "You've recently changed my contract, which had a material adverse affect..."

As of last week, I've got the same number, the same phone, and I'm still with T-Mobile. I can change services and get a new phone anytime I'd like because I'm not under contract, and I'm saving a ton of money.

I'd say I'm pretty happy.

P.S.: I've also started using Skype internet phone services. For $2 dollars a month, I can make unlimited calling over the internet using my computer. I can't receive calls, so I'll still use my cell phone for that. But I'm saving even more minutes a month using Skype. Yay!